Anxiety

[Cotton]

True story.

2015-2017 was pretty horrible for me. As a result a HAD to cut out anything that brought me down. At times it was this board, not because of anyone here but because of me. I don’t Twitter at all, that place is a cesspool of human garbage and I cannot afford to get sucked in. It’s just terrible.

I stopped watching the news, I stopped debating and just generally buried myself in the things that bring me purpose. My family, my businesses and faith.

At the moment my favorite place to be is on my tractor. As stupid as it sounds, I have had to move about 300 loads of dirt that was excavated to the area around my house. I throw in the AirPods and light a cigar while getting lost in not thinking about much at all. It is the best therapy ever because it is truly what I want to do.

I have 5 of my 6 kids that work with me in our businesses. I currently have any entirely new purpose in life to give them the best of me. So I try to keep myself as sharp as possible by blocking out and negativity. I just don’t have room for that in my life.

when I was going through a terrible time I could not explain why. I couldn’t will myself out of it either. It was just stuck on me like a damn booger.

I love your whole damn face.

 

[Chocolate Lab]

At the moment my favorite place to be is on my tractor. As stupid as it sounds, I have had to move about 300 loads of dirt that was excavated to the area around my house. I throw in the AirPods and light a cigar while getting lost in not thinking about much at all. It is the best therapy ever because it is truly what I want to do.

I'm a big believer that getting your physical fundamentals right -- just like in most areas -- is a huge key in turning this around. It sounds so basic, but go outside and be with nature away from negative people. Get some sun in the middle of the day to generate vitamin D. Go play in the dirt and plant something and improve your gut health. Work out hard -- or at least go for a brisk walk -- and get those endorphins going. Eat a healthy diet, at least temporarily, because there's all kinds of garbage additives, pesticides, etc. in our modern food. Even try some fasting, which has been known to be beneficial for centuries and isn't as difficult as it sounds. Be sure and hang out with friends IRL, not just online.

There's more to it than this for people with serious problems, but I think this gets you off to a good start.

 

[skidadl]

I'm a big believer that getting your physical fundamentals right -- just like in most areas -- are a huge key in turning this around. It sounds so basic, but go outside and be with nature away from negative people. Get some sun in the middle of the day to generate vitamin D. Go play in the dirt and plant something and improve your gut health. Work out hard -- or at least go for a brisk walk -- and get those endorphins going. Eat a healthy diet, at least temporarily, because there's all kinds of garbage additives, pesticides, etc. in our modern food. Even try some fasting, which has been known to be beneficial for centuries and isn't as difficult as it sounds. Be sure and hang out with friends IRL, not just online.

There's more to it than this for people with serious problems, but I think this gets you off to a good start.

yup this is all true.

 

[Furboy]

So, this is not an easy thing for me to tell people, and I'm probably going to ramble. My wife knows about this and that's about it. I have suffered from some fairly severe anxiety and depression over the last little while (about 10 years) and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I felt I couldn't catch my breath at times it got so bad. Not sure why I'm sharing this with you guys outside of the fact that we have been basically family for years. I have struggled with this. I have not gone to counseling but I probably should. This shit can feel devastating.

I feel like sharing this with at least someone will help me get through this. This is really hard. My heartrate is above normal most of the time. I'm quite sure my blood pressure is too high most of the time. It hurts in a way that is very hard to describe. You can call it a sinking feeling. Like the world is positioned against me. I write this because I feel it might be mentally beneficial to just tell someone. This shit sucks. I am normally very secretive about my feelings and feel like even telling you guys breaks the man card promise, but someone needs to hear this. Mental issues are a serious thing, and I almost feel like I am on the brink of losing my mind sometimes.

After reading what I typed again it sounds stupid. I guess my reasoning is not only to mentally help me rehabilitate but to also tell other people that may be dealing with shit like this that it is okay to talk about it. You aren't weak. There is just something wrong. I am trying to find what is currently wrong with me. I will find it. I am a very confident and decisive person, so this really throws me for a loop. Pray for me, or do whatever you do when someone you know is in distress.

BTW, I am not suicidal.

I'm sorry you're going through that. Depression really sucks. I have a lot of friends that deal with it. I'm here if you need someone to talk about, my friend.

 

[Furboy]

It certainly doesn't feel brave.

It is brave. It's better to speak up than keep it bottled up. If you keep it bottled, then it'll only make it worse.

 

[Cotton]

One thing I have realized through this shit is, when you have anxiety, the little things hurt like they never did before. Shit like, "damn, I really need to mow the yard", which before would not really hit the radar all that much becomes, "I'm a fucking terrible man that can't keep his own house in order". I have started making strides to not let the little shit bother me. It's tough for me, because I am a workaholic and a perfectionist, and let me tell you, that shit is exhausting.

I am doing okay now. Not great, but god damn sure better than I was. It's a daily effort that doesn't seem to go away, but I am getting better I feel.

Hell, the brain is a crazy fucking thing. I was all the way to blaming coffee for me having the heart palpitations. Nah, it's not physiological, but I damn sure wanted it to be because that is much easier to blame and fix than phycological issues. Oh, so it's coffee, well then fuck coffee, and I'm better. It's a myriad of things when it's mental. The tiniest of things that wouldn't have even been a blip before become some demon you have to conquer, and it's just not true.

That's all for my update.

 

[Genghis Khan]

I am doing okay now. Not great, but god damn sure better than I was. It's a daily effort that doesn't seem to go away, but I am getting better I feel.

Glad to hear you are making progress and are in a solid place.

Hell, the brain is a crazy fucking thing.

It really, really is.

 

[Cotton]

Glad to hear you are making progress and are in a solid place.




It really, really is.

I don't know about solid, but I feel there has been progress. I stopped the therapy. It was probably the therapist. I hate those motherfuckers for the most part, so it's most likely my fault it didn't work.

 

[skidadl]

One thing I have realized through this shit is, when you have anxiety, the little things hurt like they never did before. Shit like, "damn, I really need to mow the yard", which before would not really hit the radar all that much becomes, "I'm a fucking terrible man that can't keep his own house in order". I have started making strides to not let the little shit bother me. It's tough for me, because I am a workaholic and a perfectionist, and let me tell you, that shit is exhausting.

I am doing okay now. Not great, but god damn sure better than I was. It's a daily effort that doesn't seem to go away, but I am getting better I feel.

Hell, the brain is a crazy fucking thing. I was all the way to blaming coffee for me having the heart palpitations. Nah, it's not physiological, but I damn sure wanted it to be because that is much easier to blame and fix than phycological issues. Oh, so it's coffee, well then fuck coffee, and I'm better. It's a myriad of things when it's mental. The tiniest of things that wouldn't have even been a blip before become some demon you have to conquer, and it's just not true.

That's all for my update.

I got on Prozac back when I was going through my crap several years ago. It helped me get through the tough times. I got off of it about 2 years later. That was not fun for me. I had the worst possible withdraws from that for a period of weeks. I finally did a micro taper to get my brain back to normal. Anyhoo, fun times.

 

[Cotton]

I got on Prozac back when I was going through my crap several years ago. It helped me get through the tough times. I got off of it about 2 years later. That was not fun for me. I had the worst possible withdraws from that for a period of weeks. I finally did a micro taper to get my brain back to normal. Anyhoo, fun times.

So, Prozac caused nasty withdrawals?

 

[p1_]

I stopped the therapy. It was probably the therapist. I hate those motherfuckers for the most part, so it's most likely my fault it didn't work.

surprised you didnt have success. Although, that depends a lot on the therapist you chose. They aren't all the same or equally qualified.

 

[p1_]

So, Prozac caused nasty withdrawals?

I think he meant when he came off the meds.

 

[Cotton]

surprised you didnt have success. Although, that depends a lot on the therapist you chose. They aren't all the same or equally qualified.

I'm sure they are fine, but it's just not for me, I think.

 

[Cotton]

I think he meant when he came off the meds.

Isn't Prozac the meds?

 

[Genghis Khan]

I stopped the therapy. It was probably the therapist. I hate those motherfuckers for the most part, so it's most likely my fault it didn't work.

I hear you. I do think there's a lot of value in talking through things but it definitely doesn't need to be with a therapist.

 

[Cotton]

I hear you. I do think there's a lot of value in talking through things but it definitely doesn't need to be with a therapist.

I just can't do that shit. It's not some manly shit or whatever. I just hate how they want me to talk about my feelings.

In all seriousness, it's just not for me.

 

[bbgun]

In all seriousness, it's just not for me.

Tell me about your father ...

 

[Cotton]

Tell me about your father ...

You joke, but...

Kidding. My dad is amazing. He went through some serious shit. We were poor and he had to deal with the bullshit from the church. He was amazing as a dad. I just didn't realize it at the time. He did the best he could. I applaud him for what he did for us.

 

[skidadl]

So, Prozac caused nasty withdrawals?

when I decided to discontinue them yes they did

 

[Cotton]

when I decided to discontinue them yes they did

Whew, man. Maybe not for me either. I have had withdrawals before and I fucking hated that shit.