“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
“Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, ‘What if she’s hurt?’ And then I laugh even more.”
“The answer is always love, except for when it’s a math question.”
"I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'"
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's punching."
"One time, I was choking my dog because he wouldn't stop humping my leg. Then I thought, wait a minute—I'm the one humping him."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep—not screaming like the passengers in his car."
"Folks still remember the day ol' Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar."
