Depression

Status
Not open for further replies.

Iamtdg

One-armed Knife Sharpener
Staff member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
92,859
So, this is not an easy thing for me to tell people, and I'm probably going to ramble. My wife knows about this and that's about it. I have suffered from some fairly severe anxiety and depression over the last little while (about 10 years) and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I felt I couldn't catch my breath at times it got so bad. Not sure why I'm sharing this with you guys outside of the fact that we have been basically family for years. I have struggled with this. I have not gone to counseling but I probably should. This shit can feel devastating.

I feel like sharing this with at least someone will help me get through this. This is really hard. My heartrate is above normal most of the time. I'm quite sure my blood pressure is too high most of the time. It hurts in a way that is very hard to describe. You can call it a sinking feeling. Like the world is positioned against me. I write this because I feel it might be mentally beneficial to just tell someone. This shit sucks. I am normally very secretive about my feelings and feel like even telling you guys breaks the man card promise, but someone needs to hear this. Mental issues are a serious thing, and I almost feel like I am on the brink of losing my mind sometimes.

After reading what I typed again it sounds stupid. I guess my reasoning is not only to mentally help me rehabilitate but to also tell other people that may be dealing with shit like this that it is okay to talk about it. You aren't weak. There is just something wrong. I am trying to find what is currently wrong with me. I will find it. I am a very confident and decisive person, so this really throws me for a loop. Pray for me, or do whatever you do when someone you know is in distress.

BTW, I am not suicidal.
 

Genghis Khan

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
21,332
So, this is not an easy thing for me to tell people, and I'm probably going to ramble. My wife knows about this and that's about it. I have suffered from some fairly severe anxiety and depression over the last little while (about 10 years) and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I felt I couldn't catch my breath at times it got so bad. Not sure why I'm sharing this with you guys outside of the fact that we have been basically family for years. I have struggled with this. I have not gone to counseling but I probably should. This shit can feel devastating.

I feel like sharing this with at least someone will help me get through this. This is really hard. My heartrate is above normal most of the time. I'm quite sure my blood pressure is too high most of the time. It hurts in a way that is very hard to describe. You can call it a sinking feeling. Like the world is positioned against me. I write this because I feel it might be mentally beneficial to just tell someone. This shit sucks. I am normally very secretive about my feelings and feel like even telling you guys breaks the man card promise, but someone needs to hear this. Mental issues are a serious thing, and I almost feel like I am on the brink of losing my mind.

After reading what I typed again it sounds stupid. I guess my reasoning is not only to mentally help me rehabilitate but to also tell other people that may be dealing with shit like this that it is okay to talk about it. You aren't weak. There is just something wrong. I am trying to find what is currently wrong with me. I will find it. I am a very confident and decisive person, so this really throws me for a loop. Pray for me, or do whatever you do when someone you know is in distress.

BTW, I am not suicidal.

Hey, it's all good.

I love that we here all give each other shit and have fun and what have you. But I think we all care about each other too. We're guys and we don't say it and blah blah but it's true.

So you shouldn't feel hesitant to say anything you need to say.

I'd bet there are a lot, A LOT more people dealing this sort of thing than anyone realizes. You certainly aren't alone.

Life is extremely, extremely hard to even get a foothold and feel like you are standing on firm ground.

And on top of that, it's alarming how easy it is to feel utterly alone among all of it. It's just hard every day sometimes.

And that's normal.

But in the meantime, it's so easy to just feel alone and like you're about to get swallowed up by the world. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense. Sometimes it's when times are hard, or you said or did something stupid. But sometimes you can feel like that even when things are good.

It's our brains. Sometimes it just finds stuff. Sometimes it just makes us doubt ourselves or our choices or who we are.

Just know that your brain isn't always right. Just like you didn't get 100% in school. Your brain makes mistakes. Including and especially when it tells you that you are alone in this world, or that something you did was anything other than a minor speed bump that shouldn't even register on your radar.

It's like we talked about in the ghost thread. You are probably more than your brain. It doesn't necessarily make sense and I don't know what it means for us, but I think it's probably true. Or at the very least our brains are fragmented and some of it "you" can control and some you can't.

So no matter how you are feeling, just remind yourself that you are NOT alone, you ARE loved, and you are a good person. Don't let anyone tell you any different, even yourself.

Btw I do agree that it might be worth talking to a therapist.

Best of luck dealing with it, we're always going to be behind you here. Always always always talk about it, here or elsewhere. I do believe that makes a big difference just to get it out. Even if you get an idiotic response like mine from it. :lol
 

Iamtdg

One-armed Knife Sharpener
Staff member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
92,859
Hey, it's all good.

I love that we here all give each other shit and have fun and what have you. But I think we all care about each other too. We're guys and we don't say it and blah blah but it's true.

So you shouldn't feel hesitant to say anything you need to say.

I'd bet there are a lot, A LOT more people dealing this sort of thing than anyone realizes. You certainly aren't alone.

Life is extremely, extremely hard to even get a foothold and feel like you are standing on firm ground.

And on top of that, it's alarming how easy it is to feel utterly alone among all of it. It's just hard every day sometimes.

And that's normal.

But in the meantime, it's so easy to just feel alone and like you're about to get swallowed up by the world. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense. Sometimes it's when times are hard, or you said or did something stupid. But sometimes you can feel like that even when things are good.

It's our brains. Sometimes it just finds stuff. Sometimes it just makes us doubt ourselves or our choices or who we are.

Just know that your brain isn't always right. Just like you didn't get 100% in school. Your brain makes mistakes. Including and especially when it tells you that you are alone in this world, or that something you did was anything other than a minor speed bump that shouldn't even register on your radar.

It's like we talked about in the ghost thread. You are probably more than your brain. It doesn't necessarily make sense and I don't know what it means for us, but I think it's probably true. Or at the very least our brains are fragmented and some of it "you" can control and some you can't.

So no matter how you are feeling, just remind yourself that you are NOT alone, you ARE loved, and you are a good person. Don't let anyone tell you any different, even yourself.

Btw I do agree that it might be worth talking to a therapist.

Best of luck dealing with it, we're always going to be behind you here. Always always always talk about it, here or elsewhere. I do believe that makes a big difference just to get it out. Even if you get an idiotic response like mine from it. :lol
Thanks, man. This shit isn’t easy to talk about.
 

p1_

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2013
Messages
12,991
I have a daughter who suffers depression so I can empathize with what you’re going through. I think you’re right that talking to a therapist is a good plan. They might want you to try meds of some sort, depending on the specifics of your situation. We all need help sometimes, I support you where and how I can . Even if that’s just listening.
 

Iamtdg

One-armed Knife Sharpener
Staff member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
92,859
I have a daughter who suffers depression so I can empathize with what you’re going through. I think you’re right that talking to a therapist is a good plan. They might want you to try meds of some sort, depending on the specifics of your situation. We all need help sometimes, I support you where and how I can . Even if that’s just listening.
Thank you. I hate hate hate feeling like this. I'm such a fucking pussy.
 
  • Angry
Reactions: p1_

Genghis Khan

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
21,332
It certainly doesn't feel brave.

Just talking about depression when it's hard to do so helps other people who might also struggle with it, and helps yourself too.

How is that anything other than incredibly brave?
 

Iamtdg

One-armed Knife Sharpener
Staff member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
92,859
Just talking about depression when it's hard to do so helps other people who might also struggle with it, and helps yourself too.

How is that anything other than incredibly brave?
I do appreciate your words, my friend. They help without a doubt. Just don't feel like a hero at this moment. I feel more like an extra in a movie that's never going to get work again.
 

Rev

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun
Staff member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
13,840
Beer, if that's considered a med.
Please dont let Beer cover up the issue and go talk to a professional. Im not saying that we cant help here in some way and there is some temporary relief to be had here for sure. I had a family member that took his life because of depression. Nobody saw it coming. Im not saying that you are at that point but I dont want to take that chance. If you need to call feel free. Dont hesitate.
 

Genghis Khan

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
21,332
Please dont let Beer cover up the issue and go talk to a professional. Im not saying that we cant help here in some way and there is some temporary relief to be had here for sure. I had a family member that took his life because of depression. Nobody saw it coming. Im not saying that you are at that point but I dont want to take that chance. If you need to call feel free. Dont hesitate.

Well said.
 

Iamtdg

One-armed Knife Sharpener
Staff member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
92,859
Please dont let Beer cover up the issue and go talk to a professional. Im not saying that we cant help here in some way and there is some temporary relief to be had here for sure. I had a family member that took his life because of depression. Nobody saw it coming. Im not saying that you are at that point but I dont want to take that chance. If you need to call feel free. Dont hesitate.
Thank you, brother. I have known you longer than anyone on this board. I know you're there. I never have doubt. I will call if I need to.
 

jsmith6919

Classless Shitpainter
Joined
Aug 26, 2013
Messages
23,728
A couple years ago my brother (20yr retired vet) opened up to me he was depressed/ptsd out of the blue. None of us had any idea but we talked him into seeing a professional and I make sure and at least text with him everyday and he's doing much better.

Just sayin Rev is right talking to a pro can help, also If you ever need someone to talk too I'm there too no matter what time
 

Angrymesscan

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
3,286
Actually avoid alcohol, you might feel like it helps you “forget your worries” but it’s actually a downer and the depression will come back stronger.
Do seek professional help, this is nothing to take lightly, you might not consideryourself suicidal right now, but it’s something that can just hit.
you could also just be stressed out which would be much better, but worrying about depression won’t help.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom