Witness: Kellen Winslow Was Jerkin' It In His Car When He Was Arrested

New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow was arrested for alleged marijuana possession in a parking lot last November, but a newly released police report from the incident reveals that smoking weed may not have been the only thing Winslow was up to that day. He may have also been masturbating in his car.

This information comes to us from NJ.com's Dom Cosentino, who unearthed the East Hanover police incident report. In it, the witness who called the police on Winslow explains what she saw:
As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.

The report states that when police arrived on the scene, Winslow's genitals were not exposed but that "two open containers of Vaseline" were visible on the car's center console. Gross. When police asked Winslow what he was doing, he told them he was just looking for Boston Market, which is our new favorite euphemism.

http://deadspin.com/witness-kellen-winslow-was-jerkin-it-in-his-car-when-1503350112

"two open containers of Vaseline" were visible on the car's center console

Damn...he was getting after it if he needed two containers.

Just looking for Boston Market, that is classic.

So.... thats illegal?

midswat said:

So.... thats illegal?

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Only if you get caught.

The woman probably first came to the car because she heard him yelling, "I'm a soldier! This is war!!"

Genghis Khan said:

The woman probably first came to the car because she heard him yelling, "I'm a soldier! This is war!!"

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or maybe "This is my rifle, this is my gun!"

Simpleton said:

Just looking for Boston Market, that is classic.

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Going to have to use that one. "Honey, you've been in the bathroom for a long time. Everything OK?". "Yep, everything's fine. Just looking for Boston Market."

jsmith6919 said:

or maybe "This is my rifle, this is my gun!"

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From the book and movie "Battle Cry".